People are remarkably resilient. Some of the most successful individuals achieve their dreams despite subconscious developmental childhood wounds. But at some point, often midlife, these wounds resurface and the former coping mechanisms that drove them to success are no longer working as well as they once did, or worse. These wounds are invisible, expressed only through decisions and behaviors that leave them staying in limiting, unfulfilling or toxic jobs or relationships.
5 Hidden Mindsets That May Be Impacting Your Happiness
Below are the 5 developmental wounds that may be driving your mindset and holding you from reaching your highest potential:
1. Worthiness Wound
The worthiness wound is predicated on performance-based praise. In youth, you mayhave felt their were conditions to being worthy of love or that you needed to meet certain standards to connect with and be validated by your family. You are likely very accomplished and received attention for it, or praised for “not being difficult.” Deep down, there’s a little held belief that you are in some way inadequate, less than or broken.
2. Safety Wound
There was an absence of safety in your home. This may have been psychological, emotional, sexual and/or physical. If only one parent neglected or abused your needs in any of these areas and another parent didn’t step in to protect you, you may hold a belief that no-one will be there for you and that you can’t count on anyone to take care of you. Underneath, you may feel hurt and resentment that you were dealing with this all on your own and find it hard to trust others to show up when you need something.
3. Belonging Wound
The belonging wound is where you feel like an outsider, and that you don’t fit-in. It could come from a number of reasons – beliefs, race, gender identity, social class, education, sexual orientation- which are different than others or the majority of a group. Everyone needs to belong somewhere in the world, to find their community. And if this is a core wound, your self-esteem may be predicated on not feeling good enough if you think you don’t belong to a group you’d like to.
4. Prioritization Wound
The priority wound is when as a child, you did not feel important. This could have given rise due to addiction or work alcoholic family, a sick sibling or parent, parents working double shifts, parents constantly fighting and so on. If left unaddressed, any one of these reasons inadvertently sends a message to a child that they are of lesser importance. This leads to adults overachieving to be important to make them worthy of praise or attention or to tip-toeing with difficult people to not be a burden or have needs of their own because there was little capacity for them to have needs as children.
5. Trust Wound
Trust wounds stem from deeply held family secrets. The family secrets can be as minor as, “Don’t tell dad that we bought you that,” or from infidelity, financial dishonesty and so on. Trust wounds leads to adults who have a hard time trusting adults and are always anticipating the other shoe to drop.
In Summary: 5 Hidden Mindsets That May Be Impacting Your Happiness
You are not likely conscious of how these wounds may be playing out in your every day life. But they can linger for even the most accomplished people. Even if you think your life is good, could it be just a little better? The good news is that you can change these limiting, even harmful, beliefs to unlock your best life yet with skilled help.