Puppy Love
07.17.08
I have heard said human behavior is driven by one of two feelings: Fear or love. The more I mature, the more I believe that to be true.
War. Religion. Marriage. Divorce. Sports. Childbirth. Politics. Homebuying.
They all, too, originate from one or the other. Of course, there are varying degrees of each. And I certainly have ended up loving someone or something I have feared and learned to fear someone or something I had once loved. I have even loved and feared someone or something simultaneously.
This was certainly the case when I decided to buy a dog. I had WANTED a dog for a few years, but my landlord didn’t allow it and I traveled extensively. The timing wasn’t right. So as I shopped for condos to purchase, I was disappointed to learn that the association of the condo in Santa Monica I put an offer on didn’t allow dogs in the complex. I bought my condo anyway, consoling myself that I could wait for the companionship of a puppy until my next home.
But after facing a couple frightening, potentially life-threatening incidences in my new home, my desire to buy dog grew. Now I also wanted a dog for protection. And once my roommate moved out, I yearned for companionship…someone to get excited when I got home from work and someone to keep me going, working out, as my body slowed down. After nearly a year and a half in my new home, my desire to love a dog – and receive unconditional love from a dog—grew stronger.
It was with this seed of love that I fought the association board for my right (according to California state law) to own a dog. And I won. I immediately employed my search to find MY dog. After three months of looking—including a near-miss with a dog that was, on-paper, the kind of dog I’d wanted but I passed on because I didn’t FEEL the right connection with him – I finally found the puppy that felt right in my heart for me.
His name was Little Boy. He was sweet and lay content on my lap. But he wasn’t needy and, in fact, intermittently explored his environment independently. Little Boy was playful, but he wasn’t spastic. And most important, Little Boy was the only pup of all of his five brothers and sisters who stared into my eyes as I said my good-bye to the litter, as if to say, “But I thought you were taking me with you.” I left. Empty-handed.
I needed some time to think: Was this MY dog? Maybe I needed to keep looking. After all, Little Boy would grow to be much smaller than I’d wanted and I had wanted a tan and white dog. Not pure black.
And I feared: Was I ready for this commitment? Until finding Little Boy, I WANTED to love a dog more than anything. And when I finally found him, I backed away…fearful I wasn’t READY for the commitment. How would it change my life? Would I have to stop traveling? Would a dog keep me tied to my home more and would my social life suffer? How would I handle work, running my household and training a puppy? I was already feeling depleted and alone in being the sole provider of my security. Could I give the love and attention to a puppy he deserved?
I consulted a guy friend of mine who has this way of calming me when I’m feeling stressed and anxious. My fears, although rationale, were now surfacing at the realization of the life-long commitment of love to someone… in this case, Little Boy. But my friend’s reassurance that I would be okay and that he would help when I needed it brought me the peace in my heart that I needed.
And I went back the very next day and got my little boy, now known as Leo. And while potty training and late night walks after a full-day’s work leave me with little left to give, I have never once regretted my decision. In fact, I can’t imagine my life without Leo. I love him deeply.
So you see, love and fear are our greatest – if not only – motivators. And I don’t know which is more frightening: Being motivated by love or motivated by fear. Love as a motivator, I think, sometimes, can be even more immobilizing. After all, aren’t we more afraid to disappoint or hurt the people we love than a perfect stranger?
Fear as a motivator can also be paralyzing initially. But once you’ve pushed passed it and progressed toward love, the feeling of invigoration and fulfillment are unlike anything else. When love motivates you, you already have something to lose – the love. But you have so much more to gain…more love and happiness. When fear drives you, what you have to lose, you’re already losing. So let it inspire you to love.
